Chapter 1: From Social Worker to Adoptive Mom

So the incredible journey, like all of my dreams of being able to be involved in adoption, has become so personal, because I’ve also become a parent to five children through adoption. And I’ve been able to work in the field of adoption; studied it – I was in my profession as a social worker and expertise in this area with children and family, and adoption specifically.

Chapter 3: We are All Connected by Love

In adoption, we have the child – the adoptee, the biological family and the adoptive family. And all of us have our own work to do. I really want to say that adoption is a lifelong journey. And it’s an incredible journey to do together, to continue to open yourself up. I just want to say to all of the families and older adopted people every single person is touched by adoption, biological family, is that somehow we are all connected. And even whether or not we meet, we are together, we’re connected, and we’re on this journey together. And it’s something that I am grateful to have other people that can walk alongside me. I’m grateful to walk along this with my kids. And I just want to encourage all of us that we just continue to grow.

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All donations that Mother’s Choice received in the month of November will be dedicated to Adoption Services. Please support us and check out more about Adoption at: https://www.motherschoice.org/en/what-we-do/for-families/adopt-a-child/

Chapter 1: Mind Change Moment

Thirty years ago, the entire adoption process took a long time, about a year. Mother’s Choice would bring back and care for the baby. So in the whole process, I witnessed from the mom’s pregnancy and the baby’s growth, to the baby’s being matched to an adoptive family. And when this adoptive family came to Mother’s Choice, I was the first person (to meet) at their first visit, I believe the baby was also the first child that Mother’s Choice cared for. When I personally hand over this baby to the adoptive parents, their eyes kept tearing, and they thanked me. The “thank you” at that moment was something I didn’t expect. In my belief, it’s actually the baby’s biological mother has no such ability, that’s why we need someone to care for this kid. For me, at the time, I felt that I should be the one to thank them for accepting this child! But when they thanked me in tears at that moment, and said: “This is a gift from God. It’s the gift that we have been waiting and expecting for a long time.” At that moment, for me, it actually changed the value of what I thought I believed in.

Chapter 2: Walk Alongside Adoption

If you ask me: Is adoption an easier choice? In fact, when we walk alongside a young girl to make a decision, it’s as if a piece of flesh were being cut from you. Because there’re many unknowns, many uncertainties. For her, I can’t guarantee whether this is really the best for her child’s future. “Will this child complain to me? Why didn’t you want me? Would I still be able to see my child again?” Walking alongside a birth mom as she goes through a difficult journey, making a decision. We see children waiting for their permanent families in a loving and caring environment. We wait until the permanent family comes along, we then make that connection. I think that it is in this adoption triangle relationship where we are that important person or role in walking alongside them.

Chapter 3: Reconnect to the First Home

In my experience, I am blessed to see children who have been adopted in the past 30 years grew up and returned to trace their roots. Mother’s Choice is their first home. Apart from the hospital, Mother’s Choice cared for them. They would return to look for those who cared for them, and thank them. They would make the connection to their history. Even until they are older or finish studying, they would choose to come back to give back to their birthplace. I was able to witness that there those who are now in their 20s or 30s returned serving as volunteers, or some would return from overseas, intentionally spent a summer to be back as a volunteer for a few weeks or came to visit us. It is a very meaningful process for Mother’s Choice.

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All donations that Mother’s Choice received in the month of November will be dedicated to Adoption Services. Please support us and check out more about Adoption at: https://www.motherschoice.org/en/what-we-do/for-families/adopt-a-child/

Chapter 1: An Unexpected Journey of Root Tracing

I’m Eunice and I was born in Hong Kong. In 2007, something happened that made me understand my own background better. At that time, a group of people came to my workplace and wanted to know more about my job. One of them told me she is the cousin of my biological mother. My aunt told me that my birth mother was still alive and she was almost 80 years old. I really want to… especially to meet my mother, and I really want to meet my brothers. I was waiting for a chance to see my mother. My aunt told me that my mother was not quite ready to see me. My aunt also mentioned that she had buried a lot of things in her heart that she didn’t want nor know how to deal with. She had to deal with many things suddenly. And she felt the guilt in her heart. Because she had given me up for adoption, she always felt uncomfortable in her heart. So it is very difficult for her to have the courage to meet with me. Finally, with my aunt and my brother’s encouragement, we then had a chance to meet.

Chapter 2: The Painful Decision of a Birth Mom

I saw the decision that my mother made. She had my two older brothers at the time, but my biological father passed away. What my mother saw was that she didn’t have the ability to raise my two brothers and me. She needed to find a job, to find a place to live, to send her children to school. She could see that there’s no way that she could manage. She finally decided to hand me over to another family to raise me up. I can see that it was a very hard and painful process for my mother. She would sometimes tell me that if she hadn’t made this decision, she didn’t know how to live her life. When my mom passed away, I told her this by her bedside. I said, the past ten years had been very precious. I never expected we both had the opportunity and privilege to live through this decade together. I told my mother that what she did made me the stronger self I am today. I said this is really precious, no need to have any regrets. I then said to my mom: “It’s fine to let go and move on. You don’t need to worry anymore, and you don’t need to have any regrets.” I think this has come to full circle. She has given me life, at the same time it was my adoptive family who gave me love. In the end, I felt my mother’s love once again, so I think I am a very blessed person.

Chapter 3: An Adoptee’s View on Adoption

Because my parents are much of a traditional family, they never told me that I was adopted. I think one thing that is very important as an adoptive family is to tell the adoptee that he/she is an adoptee. Explain to them, or tell the children frankly on what they want to know. Because this is very important. If you set apart in your heart, “this is my birth child, this is my adopted child”, they will feel it. I am very happy that I don’t feel any difference at home. I think this is very, very important. If I hadn’t grown up in a family, I don’t know what I would be doing today. I don’t know where I am. And I don’t know if I can have a place to call “home”. I also feel that if I grew up in such an environment, I would definitely not be who I am today. I think that my confidence, all aspects of me, are coming from I have a family to love me. So I am truly grateful that I have an adoptive family.

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All donations that Mother’s Choice received in the month of November will be dedicated to Adoption Services. Please support us and check out more about Adoption at: https://www.motherschoice.org/en/what-we-do/for-families/adopt-a-child/

My name is Yann and I was born in Hong Kong. I spent the first three months of my life at Mother’s Choice before being adopted by my French dad and my Malaysian mother. I have an older sister who is biological to my parents.

Growing up, it was obvious to people that I was adopted if they knew my parents.  My parents had always shared with me that I was adopted, but it wasn’t something I brought up or talked about, even to my best friends whom I’d known since I was ten. I never had a community of adoptees that I belonged to, and I only knew one other person – my neighbor – who had been adopted. There was a community and support for parents who chose to adopt, like the AFHK (Adoptive Families of Hong Kong) that my mum was  a very active member of, but no resources or groups existed for adoptees.

Phyllis, Gretchen, Doreen and I founded an Adult Adoptee Group in 2019. It’s a community of people that focuses on and supports adult adoptees, and provides a safe space to share our stories. This group has been one of the most fulfilling things for me. It’s been really important over the last few years, being able to express myself for the first time with people who understand fully and exactly what I’m talking about. We all have something in common.

The group has about 30 members now, aged from 18 to over 70 years old, wide-ranging with lots of different perspectives. We meet every month, either in person or on Zoom, and we have around 15-20 people attending each time. During our first sessions in 2019, we all shared our individual stories and where we were in our respective adoption journeys. There were 10 or so new members at around my age who had started their root tracing process, and I remember their sharing made me start to think about my own adoption journey; what should I be doing, and what should I be thinking about? I met a member called William and heard his story, and after that, I decided to start my own root tracing process the very next day.

Chapter 2: Family Matters

I grew up mainly in Hong Kong. I spent five years in the United States, moved back to Hong Kong for high school, then did my university in Canada and finally moved back to Hong Kong again in 2017. I found a job in hospitality and I’ve been here since then.

Sailing has always been a big part of my life. I think I was probably on a boat since I was born. My dad is from Brittany, the sailing capital of France, so everyone sails there. When I was little, I spent my summers in sailing camps, and when I was in university, I also taught sailing during the summers to make some money.  It was fun. I used to sail competitively for Hong Kong,  which was a good excuse to miss school and go sailing somewhere else! I caught the sailing bug early, and a lot of that comes from my dad.

My whole family is very big on cooking. Food plays an important role in both French and Malaysian culture and I remember lots of memories of just being in the kitchen, lot of dinner parties with friends over, always lots of cooking going on. Food is core to our family values; I think it’s how you choose to show love in many ways.

Even though Hong Kong is an international city, it’s still very traditional in many ways, and people still hold on to a very traditional definition of ‘family.’ I think ‘family’ extends beyond parental relationships to include friends, lots of friends, like I would consider Doreen family at this point. For me, ‘family’ is simply a constant, ongoing commitment to love, in good times and in bad.

Chapter 3: A Black Box

I think adoption is still a big black box for many people. This lack of understanding about adoption resulted in me getting lots of silly questions and negative responses when people found out that I’m an adoptee, I’d take this personally when I shared my story with them. They’d say things like “oh no!” or “I’m sorry”, negative responses that didn’t make me feel great. This lack of understanding makes me want to advocate for adoption, just to educate people that adoption is a different way of forming a family and that ‘different’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘bad.’ As an adoptee, I want to tell people not to just assume that adoption is negative.

My dad is Caucasian and my mom is Asian, so by just knowing my parents, people know that I’m adopted. I was very ashamed about it, and I think it would have been better if I’d had conversations earlier with people that I’m close to. But I think people are scared to even ask, so no one speaks anything and there’s no communication. Even for my best friends since I was ten years old, when I told them only a couple of years ago that I was adopted, I realized that they were scared to ask, and I was too scared to ask about it too. There was no exchange of information.

While I knew I was adopted, my parents and I rarely talked about it, and growing up, I never explored my adoption at all, even though I had many questions about my birth family, and the reasons why I was adopted. I asked my mom recently how come we never really spoke about adoption before, and she said it was because I never brought it up, so my parents thought I was fine.

But at a pivotal moment in my life, when I was 18, right before I left for university, my parents gave me a letter from my biological mother that she’d written before placing me for adoption. This letter was life-changing. It answered a lot of questions, and made me feel more at ease, more whole and at peace with myself.

I’ve now gone through my root tracing process and taken it as far as I can go. I’ve been able to pull all these pieces of my life together and it sort of makes more sense to me now. Finally, I can fully accept and embrace my story, and who I am.

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All donations that Mother’s Choice received in the month of November will be dedicated to Adoption Services. Please support us and check out more about Adoption at: https://www.motherschoice.org/en/what-we-do/for-families/adopt-a-child/

I was born in Korea. My German parents adopted me when I was three months old and I spent my whole life in Germany until I graduated from university. I then moved to Asia where I now work for an art gallery.

I’ve been in Hong Kong for over two years now. My adoption journey truly started in 2019 when I started meeting with Yann, Phyllis, Gretchen and Eunice. I started opening up about my adoption and became more curious. Eventually Yann and I started the adult adoptees group. It was the first time in my life when I acknowledged that I wanted to be part of the adoptee community, whereas before, I hadn’t been at all interested in that part of my life, or in anything related to my adoption.

During one of our meetings in Hong Kong, I met an adoptee who shared her thoughts on meeting her biological parents and how her relationship with them was after meeting them. Her sharing was something so valuable, it made me realise there was so much I didn’t know and that I’d never thought about  before, so it was a bit of an “ah, hah” moment for me. Now I’m experiencing it for myself.

Chapter 2: My Adoption Journey

Growing up, I was never interested in my adoption story, even when my biological mother reached out to me in 2012. I really wasn’t ready to meet her then, and in fact, I was rather upset that she contacted me, so I ignored it for five years until 2019.  I decided to reach out to her and to meet her that year because I was getting married that December and it was important to me to address that part of my past.  I wasn’t looking for closure but I didn’t want to stay doubtful about my past. So I went to Seoul in October 2019 with my German mother to meet my biological mother for the first time. During the trip, I met my biological mother and my two biological sisters as well. I didn’t get to meet my biological father, he didn’t want to come because he was too ashamed to meet me in person.

We all spent two hours together in Seoul, including with the agency and a girlfriend who was helping as a translator as I don’t speak Korean.  It was a super, super scary experience, and definitely the biggest fear that I’ve ever faced. I managed my own expectations before the meeting, so I wouldn’t say I was disappointed, but I also didn’t leave Seoul with the feeling of “oh my God! I want to see her again!”

I don’t know if I’m resisting connecting with my biological mother again, or if I’m just not interested in the connection. I don’t think I’m indifferent, but I just didn’t feel anything after our first meeting, I don’t have the desire to continue the relationship at the moment. I think not being able to speak the same language was a big barrier.

Chapter 3: Sharing Myself 

Before joining the adult adoptees group, I’d get angry when people asked me about my adoption journey. I’d be like “I have to make a point” or “Why would you ask me these questions?” But now, it’s just sharing myself; it is the same as sharing my adoption.

Adoption is one way of forming a family and having children, but adoptions often come with trauma. I believe it would make a tremendous difference to the adopted child’s upbringing and development if the adopting parents could acknowledge and educate themselves about it. Facing the trauma and dealing with it means you can overcome it, there is drama, but this shouldn’t put anyone off adoption. From my own experience, it can be damaging not to acknowledge and address the issues and there are information, tools, people and institutions such as Mother’s Choice, available for parents to reach out to and access.

Growing up in a small village in Germany, I was never part of a community where I could feel free to share my experiences, so I wasn’t aware of how important it was. Our adult adoptee group meetings are a safe space that we have, to share and to also be vulnerable, and to be comfortable with our stories. To see how important this group is to the other members, especially as none of us have really experienced this kind of sharing before, is pretty awesome.

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All donations that Mother’s Choice received in the month of November will be dedicated to Adoption Services. Please support us and check out more about Adoption at: https://www.motherschoice.org/en/what-we-do/for-families/adopt-a-child/