A Foster Dad

Why did I become a foster dad and participate in the service of foster families? At that time, my children had graduated from uni and started working and my wife was retired. My colleague who was already a foster parent, saw that we love children very much and have experience of teaching children, felt that we are suitable to be foster parents. So after I went back to discuss with my wife, we felt that this matter is very meaningful and started fostering.

Before becoming a foster family, I discussed and shared thoughts with my family, and the conclusion was that everyone was very supportive. We think it can help foster children grow up healthily and enjoy the warmth of family, it’s really worth doing.

When I started to be a foster family, my children were all grown-ups. They were mature in their thinking, and they treated the newly joined foster children like younger siblings. When my family and I helped took care of foster children, I felt that our relationship got closer, we’re united and shared responsibility. In turn, the foster children felt the warmth of home.

Witness The Growth

On something impressive and interesting, I think it was when my foster daughter was in primary school, she participated in the school drama competition. We were on our nerves at the time, we helped dress her up and rehearsed with her. Of course, the rehearsal was a lot of fun! Even now, I find it very interesting.

The most unforgettable memory has to be my foster daughter graduating from uni this year! I felt that she found her goal and is capable of self-independence. I am so happy for her.

I hope that foster children grow up in a healthy environment. Do not give up on themselves. Be responsible and person of purpose and fulfilment.

Father And Friend

I think foster dads have one thing in common, they love children, caring, with a sense of mission. In the course of foster children growing up, especially entering the stage of junior high. This is often a stage of puberty rebelliousness. Their behaviour is actually the same as that of my own children back then. They often get emotional, and sometimes lock themselves up in the room after school. During this period, be it being a foster dad or a dad, it’s the same. I want to play the role of facilitating, basically to step into shoes, understand their mindsets. Then you can share a conversation with them, the relationship becomes that of a friendship. At different stages, the handling methods needs to be adjusted accordingly. You can communicate with them online too. Try to understand their inner world. Feeling clueless, search the Internet to learn and update yourself.

Ying is a mother who seeks help through the foster care service. Although her voice is weak due to the fight against cancer, she still would like to share her thoughts…

Seeking Help

We are a family of six, with four children.  The diagnosis of cancer was unexpected and sudden, I was anxious and stressed out. With four children at home, neither could I take a good rest, nor take good care of them, so I sought help from foster care service.

As a mom, I don’t want my son to grow up without me, but I really couldn’t take care of him. It was the referral social worker who recommended me to seek help from Mother’s Choice.

The Relationship

I have a good relationship with the foster family. Occasionally, they would shared videos or photos on WhatsApp so that I could witness my child’s growth and development highlights. The foster family is also very care about my health. They prayed for me and encouraged me, I am very touched. Illness is ruthless, yet there is love in the world. The foster family is another home for my child.

When I meet up with my son, the foster mom and dad would give us some private time. When they left, my son would suddenly missed them much. I didn’t get upset. Instead, I knew that my son got along well with the foster family in such a short period of time, giving him a stronger sense of security.

In Good Hope

My son changed a lot. He behaved much better than before. In the past, he couldn’t sit still while eating, and he was easily distracted. Now he can sit still and finish his meal before leaving the table. In addition, he has improved a lot in speech. In the past, there was only one or two words in a sentence, but now he can say a very long sentence, so proud of him!

To the foster family, I would like to say: May you be blessed with life-long peace for your kindness. I hope my child grow up happily every day under their care.

This week, we are very happy to have two of our Foster Care social workers share with us on their work experience highlights in the journey of foster care!

About Foster Care Service

Vivian: We provide supervision and support to foster families to ensure the children grow up healthily in the foster family. At the same time, we assist the children to achieve their long-term welfare plan, including return to their birth family, or adoption.

Tiffany: We help review applications from prospective foster families, and look into considerations such as their communities, network support, home environment, parenting experience, etc. Once their applications are approved, we match them according to the needs of the children.

Vivian: In fact, we look into the child’s background and needs, such as health, or special development needs, so as to match them with the best suitable foster family. We do our best to detect and take early action on a child’s developmental stages. When we find that a child’s specific needs, we provide them with treatment as soon as possible, so we have an early intervention service program. We also connect to some external services for our children.

Tiffany: We have a set of tools to systematically identify the biggest needs of foster children and their own strengths, so that we can provide more tailor-made services for the children’s needs.

Unforgettable Memories

Tiffany: I remember that once there was a child who was very active, cute and healthy, but his plan was not finalized for a long time. In fact, his parents went missing for a while. Actually, we were very anxious for the child. At that time, in the best interest of the child, on one hand, we tried all means searching for his parents or the child’s other family members who could take care of him. At the same time, we sought help at some family service centers to help apply for appointing the Director of Social Welfare as the legal guardian of the baby. Finally, the parents did show up. When we met with them, we lose no time trying to discuss on their thoughts and tried to minimize to the shortest waiting time possible, so that the child could successfully go to his permanent family in the end.

Vivian: A birth mother decided to have her child go for adoption, so we arranged a final visit. There was much tears of clinging and reluctance in the process, and it was not easy for the mother finally say goodbye to this child. The foster mom hugged the birth mom to comfort and calm her emotions. I could see that the foster mom do understand the pain in the birth mother very well.

Witnessing Change

Tiffany: I once met a mother, she was actually very uneasy about the foster care service, so in fact, her attitude did somehow affected her to reduce visiting her child. During that period, I put in a lot of patience and kept trying to talk to her to know more about her. Even sometimes she didn’t ask for it, I would take the initiative to send the child’s recent photos, video clips, etc. In fact, I wanted to use this method to make our relationship closer, and remind the mother that she is very important to the child. At the same time, the child also missed her much. In the end, the child could return to his birth mother and live together successfully. It seems that we are in this together with the mothers and children to make the impossible possible after a lot of effort. When children and their parents can have a closer relationship, seeing them smile happily, I think it is a sense of gratitude and fulfilment for the foster moms.

Vivian: I have witnessed a lot of growth and changes in children. One example is that I saw some children who came to the foster home with much hurt, but after foster moms took good care of them and comforted their heart and soul, the hurt and wounds slowly and gradually heal, and they felt more secured and assuring. I have seen that they have made a lot of progress in the path of growth and development.

Love & Support

Tiffany: Many people are confused about foster care and adoption. Foster care means that before the children can return to their homes, the foster family can act as a bridge to provide temporary, safe and suitable care to the children. I used to think that caring for children requires a lot of fancy, superior resources and having the right environment, but it turns out that caring for children is actually very simple. And that is to provide them with love and a sense of security, so that they can establish a stable relationship of attachment. You can already offer them growing up happily and healthily.

Vivian: In fact, we can really give so much love, care, and whole-heartedness regardless of gender, race, or blood relationship. I think foster families are more than just taking care of children. In fact, foster families have a responsibility to join in with the birth family and the social worker, forming a strong triangular bond, to make decisions and intervene in the best interests of the child together.

Tiffany: I would like to say to all the children in foster care that although you may feel confused or lost at times, I do hope that you will believe that there are actually many people around you to support you and walk alongside you, so that you can be more assured, and be confident to ride the waves of life’s challenges overcoming difficulties in the future.

Vivian: I would like to say thank you to all the foster parents. Thank you for dedicating much of your time and efforts to give the child a very warm family, so that they can enjoy the warmth of the family like other children, growing up healthy and happy at the same time.

1. Why did you decide to become a foster dad?

The reason I decided to be a foster family at the beginning was because a social worker told me that the reason why many children without families have been living in the hospital is not because he is unhealthy or sick, but because no one can take care of him. After I heard it, I felt that there must be something we can do.

2. What kept you continuing the foster care journey?

Seeing our foster children growing up healthily and happily, and then they can return to their birth family or get adopted, this kind of inner satisfaction and joy is beyond words can tell.

3. As a foster dad, what has been your experience?

In fact, the benefits are two-way. In addition to the care that the foster child received, the child is also giving fulfilment and happiness to our own family, even our parents, and even our relatives and friends.

We really treat him as our own children, so when we know that he is going to leave, we are really upset. But looking at it from another angle, knowing that he has a happy family waiting for him is actually very worthwhile.

4. As a foster dad, what has been your most memorable experience?

The most memorable moment was to see him walk for the first time, then I knew he has really grown. I think this feeling is the same whether it is a foster family or a biological family.

5. How would you describe foster care to people who do not know anything about it?

It is very rewarding to be a foster family, the love is forever.

6. Why do you think more families should get involved with foster care?

Childhood is an important foundation in life, if we can provide children with a safe and happy environment, the world will become a better place. To use our lives to change other people’s lives. Don’t think too much, apply to be a foster family now!

1. As a foster dad, what have you done to help the children prepare to join their new family?

Our first [foster] child was actually waiting for a family to adopt. Because this kid was expected to be adopted to a foreign country, our goal was to cook at home and speak in English, so that the kid can get used to such an environment, so that the transition period after adoption will be smoother and easier.

The second child was very different. The child was a three-week-old baby. After six weeks, we knew that there was an opportunity for adoption, and the baby was matched with an adoptive family. We started to invite the couple to visit the baby, learn and understand the baby’s character and needs, and give them the opportunity to practice diaper changing and milk feeding. This period of time can help new families to enter a new stage.

2. As a foster dad, is there anything that you totally unexpected happened?

Our third child just turned four, and was in a very critical situation at that time. It was extremely necessary to have a home for this child. This was different from the previous children. Previously, every child was in the process of preparing for adoption. This one would be reunited with the birth family. I think the most important thing is that the two previous experiences helped us gained confidence. Although this was very different, regardless of age or need, we felt that we only need to take one step forward and we could make it.

It’s quite interesting, because it’s quite obvious that older children might not evoke a big reaction when someone see them for the first time, but I remember that when we held a baby for the first time, people would say: “How come we didn’t know that your wife was pregnant?” But these are all very positive reactions. The first reaction is usually curiosity, “Why is there such a need?” From curiosity to further understanding, they are very supportive.

3. As a foster dad, you have anyone around to give a hand?

What we tried to do is that every time when there is a new child, we would engage our children in the process of consideration. We would discuss about it:  “Here is the situation, there is this child with this particular need, what are your thoughts?” We asked them if could join in and help as well. I think that the first thing is not to over-think. There sure will be some concerns, let us hear out first.  You will then find out that the many trainings, elaborations and so on that Mother’s Choice offered are helpful. We then [understood] that the problems we earlier had were not major issues.  It was also helpful talking to those with experience in dealing with different needs.

4. As a foster dad, what are your thoughts?

When you cared for a child, despite the duration, there is a strong sense of attachment in the relationship between you and the child. I personally think that our time with our children is very precious. In my memories, I have some rather vague recollections, not remembering exactly when or where, I felt that my father is carrying me and walking to a certain place, which is a sense of security. I believe that we are here for a short period of time. We are putting some seeds into the hearts of these children. They felt they are being loved, accepted and cared for. This is very precious.  It does not need to take a long time. When our love for the child is genuine, the child will truly feel it.

In October 2015, we received an urgent request about a father who was desperate. His family was in a state of crisis and they urgently needed someone to look after their baby girl, Grace*, for a few weeks. Working as a laborer and as the sole breadwinner for his family, he couldn’t afford to take any time off work. They did not have an extended family or network of friends to help during this challenging time. He was alone and desperate. He worried that if he didn’t find help soon, his daughter might be taken from him, and he would lose her forever. That’s when his social worker called Mother’s Choice.

Within an hour, we identified an approved volunteer family to temporarily care for Grace. The volunteer family quickly rallied their friends to supply baby clothes, formula, diapers, and even a cot! A few weeks later, the family’s situation had stabilized, and Grace was welcomed home with joy. Without the help of Mother’s Choice, Grace might have gone into the institutional care system, where it would have been difficult for her to re-join her family. Instead, she was loved and cared for by a volunteer family while her own family worked hard to provide a stable home for her to live in again. You were there for us, so that we could be there for Grace’s family during a time of crisis.

At Mother’s Choice, we build stronger families for children. We want to support others like Grace’s family who are committed, but may be struggling, to provide a loving, safe, and permanent home to their children. We believe that it takes a village to raise a child, and you, our village, gave us the support we needed to be there for so many like baby Grace and her family.

* Name has been changed to protect the identity of the child.